As the festive season approaches, many of us begin to look forward to spending quality time with our families. For separated parents, however, the holiday period can bring certain challenges, particularly when it comes to agreeing how children’s time should be shared between them. A Christmas contact arrangement can help smooth over some of the bumps that may arise.
Christmas holds special meaning for most families, and parents naturally want to create joyful memories for their children during this time. At Slater Heelis, we understand that navigating these arrangements can sometimes feel overwhelming, especially with heightened emotions and the logistics of splitting time.
To support separated parents, we’ve outlined several practical and empathetic approaches to creating successful Christmas contact arrangements for children.
1. Clear and Calm Communication
One of the most effective ways to avoid misunderstandings is by communicating openly and calmly. For some, face-to-face conversations may feel uncomfortable or lead to heightened emotions, especially around Christmas when stress levels can be higher than usual. In such cases, email or a parenting app can be beneficial. These methods allow for clear, calm communication, which can make it easier to stay focused on what’s best for the children. This approach also leaves a record of the arrangements, offering a degree of protection if any concerns or conflict arise and hopefully avoiding misunderstandings.
2. Start Planning Early
The lead-up to Christmas can be a busy time, and last-minute planning often leads to avoidable disagreements. We encourage separated parents to start discussing arrangements well in advance, allowing both parties time to consider their schedules and any possible changes that might be needed. Flexibility is essential; children may fall ill, or last-minute obligations may arise. Being prepared to adapt can go a long way in creating an amicable atmosphere. Parents who can come to a collaborative decision often find that this helps avoid stress and allows the family to focus on enjoying the festive season.
3. Consider Long-Term Arrangements
For newly separated parents, the idea of not waking up with their children on Christmas morning can be difficult to adjust to. However, it may help to look at the bigger picture. While the first Christmas might feel bittersweet, think about the years to come and the opportunity to build new traditions. Alternating Christmases so that each parent has the chance to spend special time with their children can offer a sense of balance. Creating a forward-looking Christmas contact arrangement can also help both parents prepare emotionally, knowing that everyone will have the chance to enjoy holiday memories with their children.
4. Prioritise the Needs of the Children
Throughout this process, it’s vital to remain focused on what’s best for the children. Every family is unique, and a one-size-fits-all solution may not be practical. Some families find that sharing the day works best, especially if both parents live nearby. This way, the children can experience celebrations with both parents. Other families may opt to alternate Christmases entirely. Whatever the arrangement, we recommend that parents make these choices with their children’s happiness in mind, ensuring a positive experience for everyone.
5. Avoid Putting the Decision on Your Children
While it might seem fair to let children decide where they’d like to spend Christmas, this can put undue pressure on them. Asking children to choose between parents is likely to cause unnecessary stress and may even lead to feelings of guilt. Instead, parents should discuss arrangements between themselves and present a unified plan. However, it’s still important to involve children by asking how they feel about the arrangements and reassuring them that both parents love and care for them. Listening to their concerns can help them feel more comfortable and supported.
6. Compromise for a Positive Environment
Divorce and separation can sometimes bring out strong emotions in both parents. During Christmas, one of the best gifts separated parents can give their children is a willingness to compromise. Being flexible can help both parents feel they’ve contributed to the arrangements, leading to a more positive outcome for the children. A collaborative approach, where each parent is willing to accommodate the other’s needs, provides a stable and comfortable environment for the children, reinforcing a sense of security during the holiday.
7. Seek Mediation if Needed
If discussions reach an impasse when organising a Christmas contact arrangement, mediation can provide a neutral ground to explore possible solutions. With the help of a mediator, separated parents can work towards a plan that prioritises the well-being of the children. If mediation doesn’t bring about a resolution, a round-table meeting with solicitors may offer further support. In cases where agreement is unattainable, an application to court for a child arrangements order may be necessary to establish clear terms. At Slater Heelis, we advise that parents treat court as a final step, encouraging parents to prioritise a resolution outside of formal proceedings whenever possible.
8. Recognise the Emotional Impact
Christmas can be an emotionally charged time, especially in separated families. Acknowledging the emotional challenges for both parents and children can foster understanding and ease tensions. Children benefit from open, supportive conversations, and it can help to listen to their feelings about the new arrangements. Reinforcing that they are loved by both parents creates a reassuring environment. Taking the time to consider each other’s emotions can make the holiday season more harmonious and strengthen family bonds.
9. Create New Traditions
While some old traditions may be challenging to maintain post-separation, creating new ones can provide children with a sense of continuity and excitement. Whether it’s a new activity on Christmas Eve or a fun ritual to celebrate Christmas morning, fresh traditions can offer comfort and make the season memorable. For separated parents, these new traditions can be an opportunity to add a unique touch to their time with their children.
Christmas can still be a time of warmth and happiness, even for separated families. By working together and placing the needs of the children at the forefront, parents can provide them with the gift of cherished memories and the comfort of knowing that both parents are there for them, even if in separate homes.
Talk to our team
If you’re worried about Christmas contact arrangements or other issues over the festive period, our family law specialists are available to talk. Simply fill in our online contact form or call 0330 111 3131.