Child-Inclusive Mediation (CIM)

Kim Aucott (consultant solicitor) and Joe Madigan (solicitor) in our Family Law team have put together a guide to help you understand the benefits of child-inclusive mediation.

Child-inclusive mediation (also known as “CIM”) is a part of the mediation process where children are given the opportunity to express their views and feelings about the issues affecting them during family disputes. The aim is to ensure that decisions made by parents or guardians are informed by the child’s perspective. For CIM to be considered, it must be age-appropriate and be in the best interests of the child. It is facilitated by a specially trained family mediator and is entirely up to the child whether or not they want to take part. If they agree to it, their participation is handled sensitively to avoid any undue pressure or stress.

Although formal court proceedings do require children’s wishes and feelings to be taken into account, their input is indirect (it is extremely rare for a judge to speak with a child directly) and can often be lost within the combination of acrimonious court proceedings and parents’ focusing, understandably, on their own views about how the children will spend their time between two households.

A child involved in a separation or ongoing conflict between parents may present their stress in ways that are not immediately visible. They can often feel caught between parents’ own preferences and therefore be reluctant to provide their own input to avoid upsetting one or other of their parents. Holding such a responsibility can burden a child, leading to anxiety and other mental and physical health issues, as well as impacting negatively on school life and even future relationships.

So, it is not surprising that families are increasingly learning the benefits of mediation over formal court proceedings, and recently updated court rules have given further emphasis to exploring mediation as a means of resolving disputes regarding children in a more constructive and less emotionally harmful way.

Through CIM there is the opportunity, where appropriate, for children to provide their direct accounts of their experiences, hopes, and fears and to better understand how the separation and co-parenting issues are affecting them.

The benefits of CIM include:

• Children feeling heard and valued in decisions that directly affect their lives;
• Allowing children to feel much more comfortable and to discuss their experiences with an independent party openly and to share their own priorities without the fear of parental pressures;
• Parents being better equipped to understand their children’s perspectives at a deeper level;
• A lessening of the anxiety and confusion children may have about how the changes in arrangements are decided; and
• CIM being a fundamentally less adversarial and more collaborative approach to co-parenting.

Unlike traditional mediation, in CIM, children actively participate in the process with a specially qualified mediator. CIM sessions typically last for approximately 45-60 minutes and the CIM-trained mediators will use their experience to build a positive rapport and trust with the children so key insights can be drawn from the conversation.

While parents are not present in the room during the actual CIM sessions, these can be arranged to take place in familiar surroundings, such as schools, to help ensure children feel as comfortable as possible. Importantly this process is only undertaken when it is assessed to be appropriate based on the child’s age and maturity, and with the consent of both parents.

The aim of CIM is to ensure that decisions made by parents are informed by the child’s perspective, again, provided it is age-appropriate and in their best interests. It should be noted that CIM (and mediation generally) will not be appropriate where there are safeguarding and/or domestic abuse issues.

It is also important to note that, within the CIM process, children will never be asked to take sides in any disagreements. They will have the opportunity to share their comments and feedback to parents, but only if that is what they want to do, and they will remain wholly in control of what they wish to share.

Following a CIM session, parents will receive any feedback from the mediator directly. One point that is communicated to parents when considering CIM is the need to be open minded in receiving feedback, as often a child may say something which is completely at odds with a parent’s expectations. Sometimes children may be willing to offer their own, franker, assessment of the circumstances with a mediator than when they are speaking to their parents directly to try to keep the peace and say what they think the relevant parent wants to hear.

Ultimately, CIM can be a very effective tool in providing vital insights from children and refocusing parents’ views so that they align with their children’s best interests.

Get in touch

Kim Aucott, Consultant Solicitor in the Family Department. She advises business owners and professionals across the UK on the breakdown of relationships as well as pre and post marital agreements where there are substantial UK and international assets.

Joe Madigan is a Solicitor in the Family team. He has experience with a variety of cases dealing with divorce, financial remedy disputes and child arrangements matters deals with all family law-related issues, from divorce and financial remedy to private child arrangements.

If you’re looking to understand more about your legal position, contact one of our expert family law solicitors today on 0330 111 3131 or via our online enquiry form.