Nobody gets married expecting it to end in divorce. But when a marriage does break down, you face an important choice: you can approach the process with conflict and confrontation, or you can take a more constructive route. An amicable divorce isn’t just possible – for many couples, it’s proving to be the most effective way to end a marriage and move forward.
Let’s be clear about what we mean by an amicable divorce. It doesn’t mean you’re parting as close friends with no disagreements. It means you’re both willing to resolve matters fairly, minimise conflict where possible, and treat each other with respect throughout the process. If you have children together, this approach becomes even more important for establishing a successful co-parenting relationship.
Avoid Assigning Blame
When a marriage ends, it’s natural to feel hurt, angry or disappointed. You might feel compelled to explain exactly what went wrong or ensure others understand who was at fault. However, this approach rarely makes the divorce process any easier.
Since the introduction of no-fault divorce in April 2022, you no longer need to provide reasons for the breakdown of your marriage in your application. This legislative change reflects a more sensible approach, encouraging couples to focus on practical arrangements rather than blame.
Instead of dwelling on past problems, direct your energy towards what needs to be resolved. You’ll need to reach agreements on financial matters, decide on living arrangements for any children, and divide assets you’ve accumulated during the marriage. These discussions are considerably more productive when conducted without ongoing accusations.
If you’re struggling to manage your emotions during this process, seeking professional support can be valuable. A counsellor or divorce coach can provide strategies to help you remain calm and focused. This investment often proves worthwhile as decisions made in anger typically result in prolonged disputes and significantly higher legal costs.
Identify your priorities
Divorce involves numerous decisions, from property division and savings accounts to pensions and personal possessions. When emotions run high, it’s tempting to contest every single point. However, this approach leads to a drawn-out, expensive process that benefits nobody.
Take time to consider what truly matters to you. Perhaps remaining in the family home is essential for maintaining stability for your children. You might prioritise long-term financial security over retaining specific assets. Once you’ve identified your genuine priorities, you can approach negotiations with greater clarity.
Be willing to compromise on matters of lesser importance. If your partner has a strong attachment to particular items, consider whether they’re worth prolonged negotiation. Choosing which issues warrant detailed discussion helps the entire process proceed more efficiently.
Provide full financial disclosure
This requirement is fundamental to divorce proceedings. Both parties must provide complete and honest disclosure of their financial circumstances. This includes all bank accounts, pensions, savings, investments, property interests and debts.
Some people consider concealing assets or transferring them elsewhere to protect their interests. This is strongly inadvisable. If financial dishonesty is discovered – and there are numerous ways this can come to light – the consequences can be severe. The court may impose penalties, you’ll face increased legal costs, and the final settlement may be far less favourable than if you’d been transparent from the outset. In some circumstances, financial agreements can be set aside years later if dishonesty is proven.
Transparency speeds up the process and builds trust between parties. Even if you and your former partner disagree on many issues, knowing that you’re both being honest about finances reduces tension and uncertainty.
Keep children at the centre of decisions
If you have children, they face significant upheaval through no choice of their own. They need reassurance, stability and as much consistency as possible. This is why maintaining a civil relationship with your former partner is so important.
When you can agree on practical arrangements cooperatively – where the children will live, how time will be shared, how you’ll manage school commitments and holidays – you create a foundation for effective co-parenting. Consider the long-term implications. You’ll both attend your children’s birthday celebrations, school events, and eventually significant life milestones like graduations and weddings. A respectful approach now makes these future occasions far less stressful for everyone involved.
Children are perceptive and often sense tension between their parents. Reducing conflict helps them adjust to the changes they’re experiencing. Prioritising their needs throughout your decision-making isn’t just appropriate – it’s one of the most effective ways to maintain an amicable divorce.
Explore alternative dispute resolution
Court proceedings should be considered only when other options have been exhausted. Alternative methods of reaching agreements often prove more suitable for all parties involved.
- Collaborative law involves both parties working with specially trained solicitors to reach agreements at a pace that suits you. These meetings are structured to be constructive rather than adversarial, with everyone focused on finding mutually acceptable solutions.
- Mediation brings both parties together with an impartial mediator who facilitates discussions and helps you work through areas of disagreement. Mediators don’t provide legal advice – you can obtain that from your own solicitor separately – but they guide conversations towards practical resolutions. Agreements reached through mediation can be made legally binding through appropriate documentation.
These approaches typically reduce both conflict and costs whilst allowing you to maintain greater control over outcomes, rather than having decisions imposed by the court.
Why choose an amicable approach?
Taking a cooperative approach to divorce offers significant advantages. You’ll experience lower stress levels throughout the process, reduce your legal costs by avoiding protracted disputes, reach resolutions more quickly, and – if you have children – establish a foundation for successful co-parenting.
An amicable divorce allows both parties to move forward with dignity and enables you to focus on building your separate futures rather than remaining mired in past conflicts.
Moving forward
Divorce represents a significant life transition, but approaching it sensibly and cooperatively makes a substantial difference to the outcome. At Slater Heelis, our Family Law team has extensive experience guiding couples through divorce proceedings in a straightforward, practical manner.
We provide honest advice about your options, support you through each stage of the process, and ensure your interests are properly protected. Our approach focuses on achieving fair outcomes efficiently, without unnecessary conflict or excessive legal costs.
If you’re facing divorce and want to handle it in a sensible, constructive way, we’re here to help. Contact our Family Law team to discuss your situation and find out how we can support you through this process.
Get In Touch
Mark Heptinstall MCIarb is the Head of the Family Department. He holds two part-time judicial appointments firstly as a Deputy District Judge sitting across the North West dealing with all types of civil and family cases. He specialises in divorce law, financial proceedings, children’s proceedings and high net worth cases.
If you’d like to speak to Mark or one of our other experienced family lawyers please don’t hesitate to get in touch by calling 03330 606 026 or filling out our online contact form.
